Who am I?
Who am I??
Who am I???
Asking myself this question already sends waves of an unwanted feeling coursing through my belly and up north to my scalp.
If I am to ask someone this same question, they’ll probably give me a sentence or a short paragraph.
A question made up of only three words seems one of the toughest to be answered.
There are the obvious answers, of course, such as: I’m a man, I am a living soul, I’m a mother’s son, a brother’s brother, a sister’s brother, a friend’s friend; but the answer I seek is the entirety of what qualifies my existence – the deep stuff – not superficial mumbo-jumbo.
I am intelligent beyond measure;
But I stifle the lot that brews in my mind, due to my fears.
I am as strong as steel;
But prefer to act weak and childish.
I am blessed with a special talent;
But wish for another, instead of harnessing the one I’ve got for a good cause.
I am a member of a beautiful and large family;
But let the little things – the petty stuff – get to me, holding me back from showing much love, appreciation and support.
I am the son of the most powerful, awesome, loving, and great King; yes a heir to the throne – royalty;
But I act as a pauper, wearing pride as a raiment, my eyes clouded from seeing who I really am.
I am a young man blessed with love, having both time and opportunities freely given, but I did not know or rather I choose not to know.
I am a recidivist to the core. Walking down paths marred with guilt, pain, regret, hate…again and again.
I choose a moment’s pleasure for long term emotional turmoil and mind battering.
I attain a height for a while and then drop – falling quickly, and at such speeds as though struck by the hands of the gods.
This introspection is soothing.
I pray the side of me I no longer wish to be identified with be dismembered from my parts, and the side I find comforting in, be emboldened and made firm.
You could do same; retrospection of yourself I mean.
You don’t know until you know.